The focal point of change however is not survival.  Over and beyond it, change addresses life.  We change to grasp, to enjoy, to soak into the gift of life.  We change to approach ourselves and our relationships through the prism that will produce personal meaning.

 

imagesDo people change? Big question.  Generations over generations of philosophers, poets, scientists have attempted to answer it.  People don’t change, some say.  Even if they get moving, they’ll eventually return to their good old habits.  People do change, say others, If they truly want it, they do.  There are so many examples around us of people who redefined their lives, changed life positioning and stance.  People who left their anger, their fear, their defeatism behind, reinvented their relationships to the world around them, quit smoking, changed careers, brought new meaning to their cosmos.  There are other examples of people still striving to get there.

Coaching seeks change, change is the goal.  This constant flux and transformation towards more functional attitudes, behaviors and relationships lies at the core of the work to be done, so rather explicitly and beyond any deterministic approach I am to say that people do change, they change radically, through the path of pain.

“The reverse side has a reverse side”, quotes a Japanese proverb.  Happiness contains pain, as success contains failure.  It’s only when one is willing enough to visit the dark sides that lie at the other end of our desires, that we can say they have paved the way to change.

As humans we are programmed to stand a little pain for a long time, or a lot of pain for a short while, and this is one of our most functional survival capacities.  Just as the prehistoric hunter will tie his wound and continue hunting until he catches something that will satisfy his stomach, the modern man daily returns to a job, a relationship, a belief that will help him get the day by.  And this is how days, months and years go by in the never ending survival hunt.

The focal point of change however is not survival.  Over and beyond it, change addresses life.  We change to grasp, to enjoy, to soak into the gift of life.  We change to approach ourselves and our relationships through the prism that will produce personal meaning.

“If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you” quotes Carl Jung.  The journey to change passes through pain.  it’s existence, allows it space and words to be expressed.  Through becoming aware of unknown sides of our reality, the hidden patterns of our behaviors and beliefs, coaching highlights pain’s power to act as superb facilitative instrument for change.

One of my basic principles in coaching is to never push my clients to making the next step, but rather respect their resistance.  Taking a deep dive into the awareness of our stillness is the next step.  It is the beginning, the decision, the answer to the question “after all, what is worth living for?”